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What Cancer Has Taken From Me

11/24/2014

What has cancer taken from me:

Laziness

Indifference

The naivete that life will go on forever

What I thought was a clear future

What has cancer GIVEN me:

A beautiful scar

Gratitude for time spent with loved ones

The best friends a girl could ask for

An avenue to help others

Even more reasons to throw parties

A guarantee that I will make as many memories as possible with my kids while they’re young

A better listening ear for those struggling with long-term illness

A platform to actually make a difference

A way to finally put my education to work!

The ability to better listen to God’s personal messages for me

Calm about the little things

Peace knowing that it’s ALL little things

Comfort that I know where I’m going when I leave

A renewed sense of making sure my children know Jesus

A deeper love for my husband and kids than ever before

A lens to see the important things before the nonsense

An appreciation for family photos, even the ones where I have a double chin

IRONY OF IRONIES, CANCER HAS GIVEN ME LIFE!!!

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what keeps me going?

11/17/2014

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I get that question a lot, with such a seemingly bleak future full of oncologists. Well the answer is, "LOTs of things!" My faith, my husband, my kids, my friends, my family. . . .and my music. I keep a strange mix of inspirational music and songs that make you want to sing and dance on my phone all the time, so if I need them, they are there. And when I need to have a good cry, those songs are there, too. In those early days after diagnosis, when I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night, my aunt sent me #12, and I remember laying in my bed, eyes closed, with tears streaming down my face and my phone in my hands. I put that song on repeat, and it helped me get through. Here is a peek at my weird mix. Try not to laugh when you get to the 2nd list. :)

When the day feels long and hard and I need to be reminded there's more to it:
"Starts With Me" Tim Timmons
"Brave" Josh Groban
"Christ In Me" Tim Timmons
"Falling Slowly" Once
"In Christ Alone" Newsboys
"You Never Let Go" Matt Redman
"Made to Love" TobyMac
"Man In The Mirror" Michael Jackson
"Never Alone" BarlowGirl
"Brave" Sara Bareilles
"Our God" Chris Tomlin
"One Thing Remains"
"Overcomer" Mandisa
"Say" John Mayer
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
"Stronger" Mandisa
"Stronger" Kelly Clarkson
"Unwritten" Natasha Bedingfield
"Viva La Vida" ColdPlay
"You Are My King" Newsboys
"Your Great Name" Amy Grant

And when I need to be silly, or sing, or dance: (you might guess which ones are kid-influenced) :)

"Can't Hold Us" Macklemore
"Cups" Anna Kendrick
"Hang On Sloopy" OSU Marching Band (what? I'm a Buckeye!)
"Happy" Pharell
"Hey Soul Sista" Train
"Holla at the DJ" Coco Jones
"I Will Wait" Mumford and Sons
"Just the Way You Are" Bruno Mars
"Let It Go" Frozen Soundtrack
"Mirrors" Justin Timberlake
"No One" Alicia Keys
"Peanut BUtter Jelly Time" Chip-Man and the Buckwheat Boys
"Rollin' in the Deep" Adele
"Shake It Off" Taylor Swift
"Single Ladies" Beyonce
"What Does the Fox Say?" Say Why
"When I Was Your Man" Bruno Mars

What do YOU listen to when you need to get out of a funk? What music inspires you? What's on your chemo playlist?

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We love you, Brittany

11/11/2014

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Whether it was her intention or not, Brittany Maynard shined a huge spotlight on not only the conversation about choosing one's own death, but the devastation of brain cancer. The fear, the poor prognoses, the pain, the disabilities it causes, the hunt for hope. I say that last, because I don't think Brittany got that far. I'm not criticizing her in any way; I just think that she got stuck in the fear and pain part of cancer, and I personally believe there is a lot more to it. In Brittany's case, we will never know---never know how long she may have lived, what joy she could have brought to her friends and family in her final days, despite her own suffering. I prayed for Brittany when I first learned of her story, and I prayed for her every day, including the day of her death. I hope in her final moments alone with God, she found peace and light.

I choose a different direction though-----THROUGH. Through the terror, the fear, the what-ifs, the physical pain, the frustration of the unknown. I believe that there is more purpose in cancer than a physical ailment, than a medical procedure (or two, or three). I don't believe that it's that black and white. And if you tread slowly THROUGH all those difficult challenges that come along with cancer, there is even GREATER joy than before cancer, because you have GRATITUDE to go along with it. You're thankful for EVERYTHING. Yes, even when your kids are screaming at you because you bought the wrong brand of yogurt, heaven forbid. Even when your 1-year-old sneezes all the way down the back of your shirt on the way out of the door (True story). EVERYTHING. You realize that although there is a wonderful life in the hereafter, THIS life has been given to you as a gift. It's like God tossed you a pretty present and then sat back to see what you're going to do with it.

What ARE you going to do with it?

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What Cancer Has Taken From Me

what keeps me going?

We love you, Brittany

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